Random Thoughts

If you're going to dare besmirch the good name of Bill Belichick, after all he's done to improve the quality of life for the soulless wretches who inhabit this board, you better not have anything embarassing in your past, because we will use it against you, Bob.

In the Novemeber, 2001 issue of Maxim, they interviewed former "Wild on E!" star and Nomar squeeze, the pluperfectly adorable Jules Asner. Here's what she had to say about the Man Who Called Out Belichick:

Hey, speaking of dorks, have you had the chance to meet any of your fellow newspeople?
Well, I sort of met Bob Costas once. I was at a hotel in New York and had to change rooms, but I forgot my underwear in the first room. I didn’t think it was a big deal, so I just went and got them. But when the elevator door opened, Bob Costas got in and saw me standing there clutching my underthings. And he’s not that tall, so that’s exactly where his sight line was.

So when he's not sniffing jocks, the vertically challenged Costas is skulking around in hotel elevators, waiting for some unsuspecting cute girlfriend of a legendary shortstop so he can make her feel uncomfortable while he sniffs her panties. Freak.

The lesson here is Do Not F- With Bill Belichick.

From Profootballtalk.com - POSTED 10:26 a.m. EST; LAST UPDATED 11:44 a.m. EST, January 26, 2007

LEAGUE ADMITS FACE-GUARDING SCREW UP

In response to an item in our Conference Championship Ten-Pack regarding a key pass interference call on Patriots cornerback Ellis Hobbs that allowed the Colts to complete an 18-point comeback and knot the game at 21, a member of PFT Planet has alerted us to a January 25, 2007 "Q&A" on Jaguars.com in which Vic Ketchman writes that the NFL has acknowledged that a bad call was made.

Writes Ketchman, in response to a question that chastised him for suggesting that face-guarding is still forbidden: 

"Face-guarding was discontinued several years ago and I completely missed it.  I talked to Dean Blandino in the league office and he confirmed what you're saying.  Blandino, by the way, was in the replay booth at the Patriots-Colts game.  Ellis Hobbs should not have been flagged for pass-interference.  He didn't make contact with the receiver and in no way did Hobbs impede Reggie Wayne's ability to catch the pass.  Blandino confirmed that the incorrect call was made.  It advanced the ball from the Patriots' 19-yard line to the one-yard line and was the big play in a touchdown drive that led to a two-point conversion and a tie game at 21-21.  Referee Bill Carollo made no reference to face-guarding in his explanation, but CBS analyst Phil Simms did.  Apparently, he, too, doesn't know the rule no longer exists. The next time you hear a TV analyst say, 'he wasn't playing the ball,' think of the Hobbs play, then turn down the sound."

Make no mistake about it, it was a key call.  And, to their credit, we haven't heard a public peep from the "no class" Pats about the play.

Gee, what would Napolian have done if that phantom flag had been thrown on a member of the Colts' defense?

First of all, I've got to give credit to our readers who were all over this missed call the second it happend. In fact we published the exact rule the day after the game. Although the fact that nobody was talking about it had me confused that maybe somehow I was looking at an outdated rule book or something. Regardless, the guys at Profootball Talk bring up a great point. Can you imagine if the Colts were the victims of these two horrible pass interference calls that both went against the Pats? I'm obviously talking about this one and the non interference call in the end zone on Reche Caldwell. They would have tried to get a Supreme Court Injuction to stop the Superbowl. And as much as I don't want to make excuses about the loss and sound like the Colts, it's kind of tough to ignore the facts. And the facts are that the refs screwed us pretty badly on the two most important calls of the game.

Well this was kind of a shocker for your Uncle Buck, but Salma Hayek defeated Penelope Cruz 8.8 to 8.2...Here's the prize for you Salma wackers:

Infallible Moral Authority Bob Costas on HBO's "Inside the NFL:"

"...You wonder on the other hand about Bill Belichick, a guy who should be much more mature, a guy who goes down already on the short list of the greatest coaches in the history of the national football league. Of course it's an excruciating defeat in Indianapolis, but it's part of his professional responsibility I would think, not to blow off past Peyton Manning, not to take a moment to congratulate him on one of the biggest moments of his career. And then to give those non-answers almost insulting Solomon Wilcox after the game, you would hope that Bill Belichick's personal graciousness would approach his greatness as a coach."

Enough. E-goddamned-nuff. I'm not a violent man, but so help me God if one more pundit so much as tries to analyze Belichick's post-game body language, or dares to assess the Patriots collective level of "class" or criticize how they handle...anything...I'm going all Valdemort, I swear it.

This is especially galling considering the source. Costas is a blowhard. A loathesome, self-important, pedantic, windbag. How many times has Costas sat in the broadcast booth, ruining America's fun while they're trying to pay attention to the action on the field while this diminutive psuedo-intellectual dickhead pontificates on steroids in baseball or baseball's Wild Card system or some other Great Issue of Our Times? Now he's going after Belichick?

Who the hell is he to criticize a man of The Hooded Ones stature? A man who stands at the top of the most ruthless, competitive profession in America? What the hell does Belichick have to do for everyone to call off dogs for crisssakes?

First Bill didn't give enough love to Eric Mangini in the post game handshake or call the HC of the NYJs by name so he gets ripped for it. Then the teams meet again, so he uses Mangini's name more than than they said "Bob" on "Newhart" and tries to recreate the sailor-kissing-the-dame picture from V-J day in Times Square, and they jump on him for moving a paparazzi out of his way. Next comes San Diego and Lights Out-gate.

Now he leaves the field at the RCA Dome emotionally drained, but takes the time to give Tony Dungy the handshake and shoulder bump, but doesn't fight through the hoard of ecstatic Colts to give Manning the reach-around, and Costas screams "He's history's greatest monster!!!"

When the Barstool Bowling Team was in our death battle against the Phoenix Monday night, I caught them talking about this topic on PTI, but the music was on so I have no idea what Tony and Mike's take was. I just assumed that cooler heads would prevail and it would be a dead issue by morning. Once again, I underestimated the vindictiveness of the mainstream sports media.

Maybe this is just a backlash against Belichick for running a clean program and the Pats for being a team-first organization. I just hope that next year, first game of the season, win or lose, Belichick goes up to the opposing coach or QB and rips his still beating heart out of his chest and eats it while the guy watches and dies. And we'll do the same to our opponents next Monday at Kings.

Hey there,

I have a comment on the Bears fan prostituting herself for the Super Bowl. One of my friends grew up in Lake Forest and his brother knows her. It appears that someone definitely misspent $6,000 (or whatever the winning bid ended up at):

Yeah, she was a year ahead of me. She didn't look that good in high school. And, I doubt she always looks that good now (i.e. not that tan and boobs aren’t popping up to her neck). She had big boobs in high school, but not that big. Her face looked alright in high school (more like the pony-tail picture than the 'holy-lord those are big' picture), but not as good as it does now. She's also a big girl, meaning tall, which doesn't come across in the picture. She was a real jock in high school, and I imagine she still has that lanky look (also, doesn't come across in the pictures). And she's pretty annoying; I sure as hell wouldn't want to sit next to her at the Super Bowl. She’s kind of a loser.

But, regardless...Bearsss

Ezra Dyer

You know what?  I did kind of think she had a Rebecca Lobo look in one of her myspace pictures.   Wait a minute, Ezra Dyer?  Yup, it turns out this is the Ezra Dyer from the Improper Bostonian.  Hmm, I guess this just supports my theory that everybody reads the Stool whether they care to admit it or not.   I think we may be the sneakiest widely read publication in the history of earth.  Regardless, now I kind of feel bad for bashing them the other day.  This is why I shouldn’t ever leave Abington or read email. It’s much easier to bash people you’ve never met before because you can just tell yourself that they suck.   But apparently Ezra Dyer doesn’t suck.  Because anybody who openly admits to reading the Stool is nothing but class in my book.   Viva La Improper!

(See Woody, you don't have to be ashamed to say you read the Stool and admit that we're friends)

I have plenty of reasons to be glad it's Friday. It's payday. I can drink to excess because tomorrow's Saturday morning hangover will be a lot easier to deal with than the other five hangovers I've had this week. I'll have more time to spend going over UB's Selma Hayek pictures. But for me, Friday also means a new episode of "America's Game" on NFL Network.

As Chisholm said in this space last week, it's a great time to be a couch potato. And the networks have really brought the heat this season with new shows like "Heroes," "30 Rock," "Friday Night Lights" and "Man vs Wild." But of all the rookie shows, "America's Game" might truly be my favorite.

If you haven't seen it, turn in your sports fan card immediately. "AG" is to NFL Films what "Jaws" is to Steven Spielberg or "Slap Shot" is to Paul Newman: the towering achievement of a stellar career.

Each episode focuses on one Super Bowl winning team. It has a celebrity narrator like Kevin Bacon or Alec Baldwin or somebody, but the real stars are the three guys from each team that are chosen to tell their stories directly into the camera. And it seems like every story told is backed up with unbelievable archival footage. When Len Dawson (Chiefs, Super Bowl IV) talks about one of his receivers drawing up a play in the dirt, they cut to an NFL Films clip of...exactly that moment.

Every player or coach in every show has at least one gem that you either never heard before or forgot:

• During the 1996 regular season, Packers KR Desmond Howard came out of the tunnel while the second half kickoff was in progress. No one noticed that Green Bay had only 10 men on the field until the ball rolled to the goal line and the 49ers fell on it.
• Tom Landry (Cowboys, SB VI) couldn't make up his mind, so he had Roger Staubach and Craig Morten act as co-QBs, arguably the worst idea in the history of football until the team begged him to make a decision 3/4 of the way through the season.
• The sideline cameras picked up Bill Belichick (Giants, SB XXV) explaining to LB Carl Banks what read to look for when Bill Parcells jumps in an yells "C'mon, Bill. Quit announcing the goddamned game and just call the f-ing play!"
• Before SB XXVI, which the Redskins won, regular season MVP Thurman Thomas bitched about his lack of media coverage, then missed the first two plays of the game because he couldn't find his helmet.
• Bob Lilly played DT for the Cowboys for 13 years, and made 11 Pro Bowls.
• Hank Stram was a colorful, entertaining media whore. Joe Gibbs is dull enough to make Belichick sound like Dave Chappelle.

Every episode has nuggets like these that are like porn for football junkies. I'm still having a hard time withdrawing from the football season, and "America's Game" is the only thing that can save me from having to endure the round-the-clock Manning/Dungy media knob-job.

TMZ.com - Brady did the walk of shame out of Gisele's West Village apartment around Noon yesterday. The three-time Super Bowl champ tried to cover his face with a hooded sweatshirt when a photog told him, "You're a lucky man." But Brady wasn't having any of it. "Come on brother, you're making me angry," he growled before slinking into a cab. Brady angry!! Grrrr!!!

That's still more than the paps were able to get from Gisele. She emerged two hours later to take her three dogs for a walk, covering her face and completely ignoring photogs.

Let’s clear one thing up.   When you walk out of Gisele’s apartment it’s not called the Walk of Shame.   That’s reserved for when you walk out of a disgusting chick’s apartment from Revere who you met in Faneuil Hall the night before.  This is something totally different.   This is a Walk of Fame if you ask me.   If I were Tom I would have been strutting around NYC like a peacock.    

Also, who does this paparazzi guy think he is?  Didn’t he hear Brady say that he was making him angry?  Nobody makes Tom Brady angry!    Nobody!

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

As a side note, if TMZ and other gossip websites are going to start covering Tom Brady 24/7 this may be the death of Barstool Sports. I'm not sure how we'll possibly be able to keep up with it. Thank God we have Uncle Buck to do the night shift.

Chromophobia Strip Scene

Lucky Frame

NSFW Topless Scene

Stripper Scene from Dogma...

From Dusk til Dawn

Making out with Jeanne Tripplehorn

NSFW Topless in Frida

PHOTO CREDIT NY POST

CBS4) MIAMI Die-hard football fans attending the Super Bowl game at Dolphin Stadium are getting a rude awakening after finding out that no tailgating of any type will be allowed on game day within one mile of the stadium.

"There is no tailgating allowed in the Dolphin Stadium parking lots,"

Sue Jaquez, a member of the Super Bowl XLI Host Committee, confirmed on Tuesday. "And there is no tailgating anywhere within a one-mile radius of the stadium." "And there are no RVs allowed."

Tailgating is permitted during regular- and post-season games for Dolphins fans, a team official on Tuesday said it would indeed be allowed at the Super Bowl. According to Jaquez, however, the official has been seriously misinformed.

The Dolphins do not organize and oversee the Super Bowl, Jaquez pointed out. Instead, those duties are left up to NFL officials. And because of security reasons, no pre-game partying on (or very near) the premises will take place. Fans spotted tailgating could face charges, Jaquez said.

"This is part of the NFL, not the Dolphins," Jaquez said. "If the Dolphins are saying there's tailgating -- or think it's going to be allowed -- then they need to contact the NFL."

Detective Nelda Fonticella of the Miami-Dade Police confirmed the Super Bowl rules.

If caught grilling or consuming alcohol within that one-mile radius of Dolphins Stadium, fans initially "will be warned and asked to pick up their things and leave," Fonticella said. "We're trying to make this a pleasant experience for everyone, and there will be plenty to do in the week leading up to the game."

See this is what happens when the Pats don’t get into the Superbowl.  Everything starts going to shit.   First it’s no tailgating and next it’s going to be no gambling.   I’m telling you, they might as well just cancel this thing because nobody is going to watch anyway.    Honestly, how stupid and lame is this?    It’s almost as bad as when you couldn’t tailgate to Jimmy Buffet when he came to Fenway.   I don’t want to sound like a male chauvinist pig here, but this is what you get when you put “Sue Vaquez” in charge of the Superbowl hosting committee.    The only thing a female superbowl host should be doing is figuring out the best way to entertain, ahem, her clients.    But she should not be canceling tailgating under any circumstances.    

This picture of one of the Olsen Twins (not sure which one) just saddens me.  Has there ever been a bigger bust in our lifetime?   I mean they were “can’t miss kids” from the day they burst onto the scene.     But they just haven’t lived up to the hype.  Sure the Olsen Twins are gadzillioniares, but that doesn’t change the fact that they somehow didn’t out hot.   I just don’t get where they went wrong?  Was it the anorexia?   Frankly, I think that’s just an excuse.  It’s just so disappointing because it was supposed to be automatic with these two.   It kind of reminds me of Freddie Rodriguez.   We heard so much about him for so many years that it was just sort of shocking when it didn’t pan out.   I guess the moral of this story is that you can’t count your chickens before they hatch.  

Can anybody think of any other child/teenage starts that looked like they’d be hot and ended up not being hot when they were older?   I can’t think of one.

Due to the public outcry, and being that it's a Friday and not much is going on, your Uncle Buck is pleased to present this showdown of hotness between Penelope Cruz and Selma Hayek...UB will present a photo case for each and give the Stoolies a chance to vote...So let's start it off with video of both Cruz and Hayek in their new film Bandidas...Enjoy